Hi there,
The wind is howling this morning and tumbling cedar sprigs and winter debris across the still-here, layer of spring snow crusting Beach Hill. Yea, there’s still some feet here accumulated in the dank and not-dank pockets and, if I felt inclined, I could build a snow woman today without having to walk far to find more of the white stuff.
…but today’s letter isn’t about winter.
Fifty years ago - today - at 10:59am I took my first breath.Out of the land of the deep water fishes swimming in the womb of my mother, Karen, and onto the Earth plane with its fluorescent lights, cold steel tables, immense sunlight, and gravity. Out of the mystery and into the ‘real world’ where I was given a name, Kristina Bern Schreibman, a clan, and a mission to carry out.
If I squint my eyes and peer back through time, I can remember many versions of Little Beana…in her plastic easter bunny outfit…hiding in the weeping willow tree…in her Grandmother’s sink…dressing up her cat…hiding away her treasures…in her imagination unaware that the world didn’t revolve around her.
Sitting in my little house, many miles and moments away from those first, new days, not much has changed.
It’s still me.
I’m still talking to my cat, hiding in the trees, building fairy houses and, although now I spend my time mostly unburying treasure and orbiting other people’s problems and possibility, I’m still the self-involved little Bean I always was.
Wherever you go, there you are.
Whenever you go, then you are.
I feel 50.
Every minute of this half-century has felt earned and, although I’m still a little girl trying to build castles out of fire and flowers, I’m also now a middle aged woman, an ancient Crone, and a memory of a whisper of a moment in an infinite universe.
It’s a real honor to be gifted a body. It’s a true privilege to be granted sense organs and an astounding natural world in which to inhabit - smell, feel, see, taste, hear, know - them. It’s the gift of all gifts to have a physical vehicle with which to traverse time and space. It’s our birthright to receive the gift of mortality and, today - this morning - I give thanks for my amazing life.
The last decade has surpassed the four that came before them with radical growth, crystalline awareness, and the truth of my becoming. It took 50 years to be born into myself and, rather than wishing I had come home sooner, I feel amazed that I am so lucky to be greeting myself now…so soon…with a strong, spry body, a sharp and flexible mind, and the miracle of a community of people and beings that love me, see me, and value my gifts and voice.
Sure, the world is coming undone. Sure people can be disappointing. Sure there’s a lot that could be better…. it’s true. But something that can’t be better is the gift of being alive to feel it all.
May each of you reading this feel the gift of your life today.
May you feel the air pour into your lungs.
May you feel the wind tustle your hair.
May you feel water slide down your throat & restore you.
May you feel the miracle of life in the mundane act of reading this email and
May that miracle root into your hands and heart and surprise you every time you feel like blaming or complaining.
My lessons from this last season of my life are very deep:
Time alone is holy, sacred nectar. We all need more of it.
Consistent, devotional practice over long periods of time is the cleanest mirror. We all need more of that.
Words & thoughts are ‘things’ that create our individual & shared reality. We create what we talk and think about.
Clear boundaries are a way of expressing love in all directions.
Elemental and cosmic forces are the most trustworthy teachers and companions in this time of great change and dissolving consensus reality.
Singing and sitting in circles of people - physically and virtually - is the best and most efficient medicine. We all need more of it.
Life is long and it’s also race car fast and, as I’m aging, it’s getting faster, and deeper, and clearer.
Ok, so, I’m not going to bore you with the big astrology that is underway this month (IT’S BIG!) or the fact that we are inside - no longer at the threshold - of a portal that will define our reality and the future of New Earth. These days and this year matter greatly and how we inhabit them matter greatly and I’ve told you all about that esoteric stuff before, right? Hopefully, you have made it a practice by now to look UP and IN as much as down onto whatever task you’re grinding on. Hopefully, by now, you are aware of your frequency and how it impacts the reality that is you and surrounds you and, hopefully, you are making some adjustments to your routine, to your inner dialogue, to your patterned reactions and allowing yourself to stretch and change. Hopefully.
Every day is a whole life. Every day is a full half century and every day is the exact right time to tap back into what the soul inhabiting your body incarnated to do. If you haven’t thought about your ‘souls mission’ for a while, or ever, how about make some time between now and April 17th, the new moon in Aires, to really feel into it. Do you long to be more creative? More impulsive? More generous? Do you know you need more time with water? With nature? Let yourself feel into what’s clear and what’s murky, and then - the hard part - be honest with yourself about whether or not you are in alignment and on task. If not, use that new moon to set an intention and leverage the ignition energy of this cosmic tsunami in Aires to declare to the world and your Gods that you are wanting to make some changes.
Ten short years ago, the Beana Bern writing this Love Letter wasn’t even born yet. I was barreling through life and busy, busy, busy but I wasn’t sure about my purpose or the direction I needed to go. It’s okay if you are still finding your way to your path… you aren’t late or too slow or off track. You are right on time! What matters most is that you are honest with yourself and curious about what it could mean to give yourself the gift of your life.
From this side of the mystery, and from a baby 50 year old, I’ll say that letting myself fully be myself over this last decade has been the single most powerful gift I have every given myself. I want that for you too and for all of us.
INTRODUCING….
In the spirit of celebrating being me, I’m so delighted to share with you my newly updated website! This project emerged this winter as an exercise in differentiating Beana from her baby Rootstock and it’s hot off the press. The old site will slowly morph into a page solely for Rootstock and the physical gatherings that happen on the hill while the new site will hold me and my medicine work, virtual offerings, and the other ways in which I feel called to keep life alive.
Here are some of the most exciting updates to this page. Click on them to dive into the new site and explore all that’s new:
Microdosing vs Macrodosing: Exploring the Spectrum My new, free master class is an awesome resource to help you understand the difference between my various offerings, how they work together, and where you might want to explore first. This 40min class is a deep dive into my format of medicine work and a great place to learn more about me, my ethos, and the ways in which I can help you
The 2nd edition of my best in class microdosing course, Microdosing Earth Medicine: A Seasonal Practice in Whole Living is now available! I updated all of the videos, added in some key insights from my four years of supporting people through the protocol and I made a gorgeous, spiral bound workbook available for sale. This curriculum remains the most effective and honest of all the protocols on the market and the new edition is delicious.
I continue to receive emails weekly from people wanting to learn how to serve medicine from me and, back in 2025 I launched The Root: Open Source Mystery School and over 70 folks joined me for that profound year of sharing. I am upleveling that offering and in the process now of developing and writing the plan for the 2027 Medicine Mentorship - The Guide Inside: An Alchemical Path to the Path. I have clarified some options I have available for aspiring guides and folks wanting counsel on my new Guideship page and have opened the waitlist for the Guide Inside. If you might be interested in structured medicine mentorship, join the waitlist and receive updates as the program is developed.
Elemental Alchemy: A Microdosing Retreat Day at Rootstock is in the process of being born and will replace the quarterly gatherings that culminate the seasonal immersions. These magical offerings will happen 4x yearly and will still invite the participants of the seasonal immersions to come commune outside of zoom in addition to making space for more alumni of the course or folks wanting to microdose in community in a well-held container with a seasoned guide and the profound magic of the elemental temple that is Rootstock.
The Spore, my online gathering space, got a glow up on this new site as well and more detail about what it is, who it’s for, and why it’s worth your time. The first month is free and it’s not like any other online community you’ve experienced…I’d love to gather with you in there.
ps. are you the editorial type? You can’t help but notice type-os, spelling errors, and syntax? If you find someting that needs fixing, thanks for sending a note to hi@rootstockretreat.com
SPRING MEDICINE RETREATS
Underneath and above all the of machinations of Beana and her ways of expressing herself is The Work. The mushrooms remain my most steady guides and reliable teachers and they want to continue to help us help ourselves this Spring. The Medicine Retreat is a very special healing modality. An extremely effective path back - and forward - into presence, wholeness, and self.
Spaces are currently available for:
Private Retreat - June 11-13 (individual or couple)
Small Group Retreat - June 25-27 (1 spot)
Women’s Small Group - July 23-25 (2 spots)
The Booking Portal will open on May 4, 2026 at 9am for the following spaces:
Small Group Retreat - August 20-22 (6 spots)
Small Group Retreat - Sept 24-26 (4 spots)
If you don’t have credentials to access the Booking Portal, please join Beana for a Discovery Zoom to learn more about the format and booking. Autumn and winter sessions will open for booking on August 26th. Also, if you are an alum of a Guided Seasonal Microdosing Immersion or a member of The Spore, please remember that you have priority booking access and reach out if you’d like to book a spot.
SUMMER MICRODOSING IMMERSION
The medicine of Summer is about passion, play, heat, growth, and - if you look around any blooming garden - RADICAL AUTHENTICITY! These seasonal coaching containers are a beautiful way to get support for that soul mission stuff I talked about above, and to have the accountability and kinship needed to enjoy your becoming.
Folks in the Summer 2026 immersion will get first access to Elemental Alchemy, the new microdosing retreat happening at Rootstock, in addition to a season of guided growth and slow - but real - transformation.
Upcoming:
Insight Council - LANGUAGE - April 21 - Online in The Spore
The Insight Council is a virtual sacred fire and a thematic sharing circle. In this month’s gatherings we will circle around the topic of LANGUAGE and see what we share, what is stirred, and what we learn.
Psychedelic Integration Circle - Tuesday, May 5th - Online in The Spore
A grounded, facilitated circle to invoke, reflect, process, and bring the medicine from your sacred work into your being, relationships, and life in a way that changes your life.
You don’t need to be a member of The Spore to access this circle.
Venus Sequence Info Session with Beana & Danielle - May 5
This winter’s journey through the Gene Keys activation sequence has been profound. About 20 adventurers braved the bigness to learn more about themselves and we’ll be opening some space to share more about the next leg of the journey and to invite in some more Gene Keys explorers.
The free Venus Sequence call will be posted on the website imminently and we look forward to helping you understand if and how this contemplative practice can support your growth and evolution.
Cannabis Craft with MG & Jess - May 1 - Register
For this craft, we’re moving into something a bit more communal and alive. Together, we’ll begin creating a Rootstock Tarot Deck.
This will be a more open and intuitive creative process. We’ll be working with paint, drawing materials, words, and any other textures or mediums that want to come through. We’ll have a variety of art supplies available, and you’re encouraged to bring anything you feel called to create with.
Beltane - Riding the Fire of Passion with Eyal & Jodi - May 3, 2026 - Register
Perhaps the most recognizable of the traditional pagan holidays, Beltaine celebrates the mid-point between the Vernal Equinox and Summer Solstice. It is a celebration of fertility, community, love, merriment, and ecstatic joy. We find ourselves renewed warmth and sunshine of Spring in its full glory, and the wildness within is ready to play! In this ceremony we will celebrate the joy and exuberance of the season. The ceremony will feature Rootstock’s ancient Dragon Rock, the ancient tradition of passing between the portal of two fires, and we will weave the May pole.
Sacred Sound Sanctuary with Melinda Kinzie - July 3, 2026 - Register here
This ceremony creates a field where cellular activation, integration, emotional release, and profound energetic realignment are all possible. Melinda works directly with wisdom keepers, guardians, multidimensional healers, and living energies who come forward to support the healing each participant has come for.
Of course the Moon Circle and Sun Circle remain the anchors of our rhythmic pulse of remembering and you are always welcome to join those gatherings.
Short and sweet this month.
Thanks so much, as always and forever, for your kind eyes on these characters and This Character. It feels a way to know that you, yes you, are out there reading my words and feeling something as a result of that. Like the air in my lungs, your attention is life force and a miraculous gift that I don’t take for granted.
I didn’t tell you about my amazing new art class and what it’s meant to paint and draw every day or how incredible it felt this morning to queue the ‘Happy Birthday Beana’ playlist after many months of gifting today’s Beana a devotional practice so I could arrive into 50 feeling good. I didn’t say much about the oysters I devoured yesterday in celebration or the gifts of another season of celibacy. I didn’t really tell you much about my interior life and I guess that’s why they call it interior :)
I will make this prayer now here with you all in witness…that in this next decade that I muster the work of writing the book that sleeps in my bed, steals my covers, and is hungry to be written. May the story write itself in the days and daze ahead.
Bless all of you in this big turning and your effort and your tears and your rage and your joy and your exile and your activism and your grief and praise.
Life needs you alive right now so breath in and carry on.
With love and a half century,
Little Old Beana Bern